If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
