Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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