Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
