running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
