We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
So vagazzling was a success
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
