are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
