In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
