he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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