He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
