somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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