I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize