Please, let me fuck your mom
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
