I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm determined to sit on that face.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
