Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
