did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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