remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
