once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
