oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
