My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
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