dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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