i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
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you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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