I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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