she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
That accounts for only three of the penises
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize