i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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