Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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