It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
