SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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