I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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