we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
