i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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