Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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