My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
