Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
