The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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