I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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