Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
