so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
