I think my fart just growled at me.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
