dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
