We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
