I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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