we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
