Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
