If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
