so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
hell yes lets make some ravioli
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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