We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
