I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
