i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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