I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
