brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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