dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
