i don't plan on having that self control this summer
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
