you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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