I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
