Where did you get a picture of my penis
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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