Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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