successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
