She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize