well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
