I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
