we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
