You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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