i just google imaged poop.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
