Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
