just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
